Lost feelings
by mAngaLoVer2015
Summary: Natsu had chose Lisanna in the end, leaving Lucy to fend for herself in a fight she lost. Who will comfort her and can she ever fall in love again? Please read! :D sucky summary but the  story is good  i think


He approaches quietly, taking careful steps toward the bed where I lie in between sleep. I feel the pressure of his weight on the other side of the mattress as he leaned down to brush his lips against my forehead. The smell of desire and regret coated the small space around me. I curled away from his touch and squeezed the comforter tighter around my small frame. There was a sudden hesitation in his movements but I could tell he had no intentions of leaving anytime soon. I could hear his steady breathing, feel the warmth that radiated off him, and the rhythm his heart played out. Not surprisingly my heart wanted to play the same song as his, but I couldn't let that happen again. No, never again.

There was a shift in the air and I knew he wasn't alone. A sweet bitter smell invaded my senses, blocking out all thought of the boy who had been sitting alone a few minutes ago. There was soft murmuring, but I couldn't form the words they were pronouncing. Rage boiled inside me, hot red streaks painted the inside of my eye lids. I could feel the first twitch in my fingers, and I'm sure the other two did too because the murmuring had stopped. The room had become dead, along with my feelings of any type of remorse I had left in me for the two who had did this to me. I wanted to take time in my own two hands and rip out the past month that had took everything I loved away. I wanted to be the one in control of my heart, not him. I want to see the girl who had took away what I had began to live for . By now, I had feeling in my arms and legs, but I could care less. What I wanted was my eyes, to see them one last time before I left. I needed to see them, to see _him_. A whimper shook my body as I forced myself to consciousness, flames licked at every inch of my body as they lost its numbness. Then there was nothing.

"Do you think she's alright?" The sound pierced the silence I had been trapped in for what seemed like forever. There was a quick movement from the opposite side of the bed, and then a warm hand was caressing my damp skin. The touch was inevitable, causing goose bumps to cover my skin. The scent of his breath filled my head , his warmth suffocated me. "Lucy" He sighed tiredly.

My eye lids fluttered to an opening, the shapes around me blurring in and out. Finally my vision cleared, taking in everything in detail. It was like I was just seeing for the first time in years. But the only thing that caught my attention was him, because I was staring back at Natsu.

Tears stung the back of my eyes as I looked up at him. My gut twisted and it felt like I just had the wind knocked out of me. My mind was screaming at me to run, but my body was stuck here, in this moment lost in frustrated feelings. I looked at him and forced myself to forget. To forgive and forget which was easier said than done.

" Lucy, can you hear me?" Natsu asked, bringing his face closer to mine. I cringed away from the closeness and was shocked when he pulled back as if I slapped him. Seeing this brought no pleasure, but sadness and regret.

" Lucy! Your awake!" Lisanna said excitedly, placing her hands together happily, oblivious to the scene. I tried not to make eye contact. It's not like she knew how much pain she caused me, right? She pushed passed Natsu and leaned over the side of the mattress "Can you say anything? Do you hurt anywhere?"

I laughed, bringing surprised confused looks to the both of them. "Not where you could see, but don't worry I'm pretty sure it cant be fixed, no matter what you try to do." I looked over at Natsu and smiled sadly.

A knock on the door rang loudly in the silence that followed. Natsu jumped to his feet taking long strides toward it, not looking back even once. When he opened the door, a hand pushed him aside roughly and walked, more like jogged, toward me. Gray, who was breathing hard and sweating, stared back at me with an intense glare. I tried to sit up, but he pushed me back down and brought his face only inches from mine. As if in thought, he placed his finger on his chin as he studied me. With a huge grin he wrapped his arms around me and squeezed the last of the numbness from me. I couldn't help but smile, but when he pulled away he had the same intense glare that he had on a few minutes ago.

"Lucy ..., the next time you decide to go on a mission and get knocked into a coma for a month, don't expect to be able to stay awake for long, cuz this time, imma put you into a more permanent situation." I cringed from the words and looked down at my damp clothes. Gray sighed and play punched my shoulder.

" I'm glad you finally decided to wake up" He said, his eyes softening. When he realized he had been staring for a little too long he cleared his throat and pulled back, taking his place by Natsu. " Besides! It was getting boring around here, ever since this guy became all goo-goo eyes for Lisanna." He rolled his eyes playfully.

Natsu looked down at his hands, letting his hair cover his eyes. Tears bit at the back of my throat. If only he knew how much pain I was really in. I sniffled loudly.

" I think I should get into the shower." I said avoiding eye contact. I tried to stand ,but was falling forward before I could balance myself. In a flash a strong arm was keeping me from hitting the floor. I tried to squirm free, but it only made him tighten his grip. He cleared his throat loudly.

"Maybe you should eat something first." Natsu said as he lifted me up into his arms. I tried to not fall into the warmth, but it was smothering me. I couldn't hold the tears back anymore, I was so tired of fighting something I knew I wasn't going to win. Just as fast, I was being pulled into someone else's arms. Gray curdled my body against his chest letting me bury my face into the side of his neck where I cried for the things I promised I wouldn't for.

" I think she needs to go somewhere else less depressing first, don't you agree Natsu?" The accusation in Gray's voice brought goose bumps to my flesh. Confusion blurred my mind. Did he know how Natsu had left me alone to go save Lisanna? That by doing so, he had left me alone to face someone who had twice the power I could ever dream of having? A sob shook my body. I understand that he couldn't loose her again, but it hurt more then the beating I took from the fight. Gray tightened his grip on me as if he knew I needed someone else to pull me back together.

" I just-" Natsu began to say, but broke off into a shuttering sob. When I looked over I could see the tears that trailed down his face. I couldn't take it anymore. I hated myself for making him feel like this. I pushed away from gray, regretting it as soon as I saw the look of rejection drawn out on his expressions. He quickly recovered though and covered any type of emotions, making me confused all over again. I needed to get out of here before I hurt anyone else.

I quickly ran to the door putting my hand over the handle. I took a deep breathe, took one last look at the three fairy mages and shoved my way through the door into the blinding light.

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><p><em>"Natsu! Watch out!" I screamed, forcing myself off the ground. I quickly threw the weapon I held at the man who had been charging towards Natsu, who had been recovering from a blow to the right. It bought a few moments, but that's all he needed. Natsu fought the man with everything he had. I wanted to help, but I was useless. This mission wasn't supposed to end up this way. It wasn't suppose to be a blood filled fight where my loved ones got hurt. It wasn't supposed to be something I couldn't handle, something I wasn't any help for. I ran a blood covered hand across my tear streaked face. I have to do something.<em>

_With everything I had I ran toward the beast. With a stunned Natsu watching, I drove my knife through the thick coat of the man. The knife slid in easily, but watching this made my stomach do a horrible flip. The beast paid no attention to the knife that stuck out of his side. Instead he looked at me with a desire to kill. He grabbed me by the waist and threw me hard to the floor. I hear the loud crack my head made before I felt it. A coppery smell filled my senses and something warm and sticky began to run into my eyes. I reached up to touch it, but regretted it when saw it was my own blood. A sob rocked my body at the pain._

_Natsu wobbled to a stop at the sound of my cry. He began to run toward me, but was stopped by the blood curdling cry from across the forest. It was Lisanna. She had wandered off and was fighting alone. I tried to stand, but had already lost feeling in my legs and arms. I reached toward Natsu, half delirious from the amount of blood I had already lost. The look he gave me was full of sorrow and regret. He began to walk backwards into the forest, looking between me and the beast, who had been lying still in the dirt._

_" I'm so sorry Lucy" He turned around and ran toward the next cry of pain that came from Lisanna. I reached harder for him, trying to form the words that would bring him back to take me with him. I began to crawl toward the forest that had already swallowed the image of Natsu. The pain that shot up my spine was unending, causing me to scream out in agony. Would that bring him back? If I screamed loud enough, would it bring him running back just as he went running for Lisanna?_

_Another sob shook my body, but I didn't have enough breath in me to scream. I wanted to be back home, with my friends who I could laugh and cry with about everything. I didn't want to be stuck here, alone with death on the brink of my life._

_"Natsu, please, I just wanted you to be safe." I whispered. I took one last look at my surroundings to see if he was back, but the only thing that was still here was the beast. I watched as it twitched in the dirt before arising. He sniffed the air and set his focus on me. A whimper escaped my lips. The beast charged and the last thing I felt was a sickening crunch of my ribs before I lost consciousness._

A scream pulled me back from my nightmare. I sat stunned my the sound that still rung in the air. When I realized it had been me I relaxed a little, still a but jumpy from the dream. Except it wasn't a dream, but a memory. I sighed. Why was I here, on this damp dark floor when I could be home taking a nice warm bubble bath?

I rubbed at my stinging eyes, to afraid to go back. Instead I laid back and stared up at the stars. A smile played on the corner of my lips. I loved to stare up at the everlasting sky, it was full of opportunities and dreams. It was full of possibilities. If only I could control that too along with time and past events. I shook my head with a grin plastered on my face. Why is it that I always want something I couldn't have even from the beginning?

A rustling noise came from behind me as a figure stepped out of the bushes. I would of been frightened if it weren't for the fact that I was too tired to care. The person came closer and sat beside me, letting the light of the moon light his face.

"How did you find me Gray?" I asked a bit surprised. He didn't show any type of emotion as he stared up at the night sky. I decided to take comfort in the silence between us and began to let my eyes droop at the safe feeling he brought. After what seemed like an hour he cleared his throat.

" Lucy." He paused as if he still had to think about what he wanted to say. " You know that Natsu still cares about you deeply, right? Your his nakama and he will always care for you as if you were his own sister." I kept my eyes on the star that had caught my attention a few moments ago.

"Lucy you do understand the position he was put into right? He had lost Lisanna once and wasn't going to again." I could feel his eyes graze along my emotionless face. "No matter what the cost." Silence followed after, but not the comforting type that had been just a few moments ago. Tears began to slide silently down the corner of my eyes into my hair.

" You know when you get that feeling where you thought you knew something, but it turned out it was the total opposite?" I stuttered between little sobs. I could feel Gray watching me, but I wasn't going to hold back. " Have you heard that saying ' People think it is holding on that makes you stronger, but sometimes it's letting go' "?

I wipe at the tears that had been blinding me and took a shaky breath. "Well I don't think I'm that kind of person." I said crying even harder. I tried to hide my face behind my hands, but he wouldn't have anything of the sort. He grabbed me up in his arms and rocked me silently letting me cry for the love I never really had to begin with. After awhile my sobbing turned to quiet sniffling. I looked up at the sky and spotted the star I had been staring at. Gray followed my gaze. He smiled slightly.

" That's a beautiful star isn't it?" He said, rocking me some more. " You know what they say don't you? Even a small star can brighten the darkness." I stared at him, in complete awe at how he could comfort me so easily. When he realized I was staring he caressed my cheek. " How about that be our star? Whenever we feel lost and alone we can look up at the evening sky and know that there's someone out there who will care no matter what." He whispered looking me in the eyes as he leaned in closer. My heart did a funny flip at the closeness of him. I closed my eyes letting myself fall into this moment.

"Gray! There you are! Did you find Lucy?" Natsu yelled running up. When he spotted the two of us he froze in his tracks. I quickly arose and began to wobble my way back to the guild. I glanced back just in time to see Gray glare at his hands, where just moments ago I had been held tightly. My heart did another funny flip, but I didn't want to find myself in this situation again. What was I going to do?

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><p>Hi-ya! So if your reading this then you just read my 2nd story! I know its depressing, but I tried to leave off on a sorta positive ending right? :) I'm planning on making another chapter if you guys like it so PLEAZ PLEASE tell me what you think. I'm still sort of new to this whole writing thing :) And if 'Lucy's and gray's almost kiss' was written badly it was because I just had my first HORRIBLE kiss with someone I don't even like and couldn't get it out of my head as I wrote it! Any suggestions?<p>

Thanks! luv ya! lol :D


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